With the recent El Paso, TX and Dayton, OH shootings, anxiety in America over getting shot by an assault rifle is understandably rising.
Many on the right believe that more guns are the answer while the left believe that stricter gun control laws are in need.
But what both sides fail to realize is we can avoid getting shot by a maniac with an assault rifle by using homeopathic remedies available at your local health food store.
To effect change we need to start with ourselves. When we clean the negative energy inside of us, we clean the negative energy outside of us as well.
All you need for these remedies to work is an open heart and an open mind.
1. Sage. The sage plant – salvia officinalis if you want to get political – hey, we’re keeping politics out of this, remember? Where were we … oh yes, the sage plant has been known for ages by sages to cleanse negative energy. Light one end of a sage bundle on fire and let the smoke permeate throughout your dwelling and your soul. The smoke will spiritually shield you from all AR-15 and AK-47 bullets while at the same time easing your menopause symptoms. Win win!
2. Clean your floors with mint and open the windows to allow for fresh air. A dirty, clustered home filled with stale air will quickly invite a racist homicidal lunatic to your doorstep. To avoid getting murdered by said lunatic’s assault rifle, sweep and mop the floors with mint to get rid of all dust. Clear out all items that you no longer use. Open your windows to let in the fresh air and sunlight. It’s a well-known fact that racist, homicidal maniacs hate clean, sunlit dwellings.
3. Feng shui your home. If the energy flow in your home is off it’s highly likely you will find yourself sprayed with bullets from an AK-47 or an AR-15, one of the two. Move your furniture in alignment with the earth and the four directions. Make sure your doors open to a full ninety degrees. Clear out and clean the entire place! (see #2). Offer gratitude to your space and fill your home with plants. What you don’t hear about are all the shootings that didn’t happen because a would-be shooter arrived at a location overflowing with plants and gratitude and the shooter changed his white, homophobic delusional mind and instead had gay sex that filled him with shame and rage.
4. Take a hot eucalyptus bath. Picture this. A gunman with an assault rifle circles your home while you obliviously lay in your tub. He looks and looks and but cannot find a way in due to the eucalyptus’ immune-boosting properties. He turns around, goes home, and falls asleep in front of Fox News, an open can of Coors Light slowly spilling on his crotch. Meanwhile you’ve never breathed easier, not only because you haven’t been shot dead but also because of the eucalyptus’ beneficial oils that help the respiratory system.
5. Make a salt water white vinegar solution in a jar and place it in a negative room. Add all of these elements together in a jar and simply put it on a table top or floor. The negative energies in the room will get soaked up by the salt and vinegar, including any gunman that happens to be in your house. When you see a tiny gunman with a tiny assault rifle in the jar then throw the solution into the ground outside of the house. Make sure you have many jars of this solution on hand, even when out and about. If a gunman appears, open the jar and point it in the gunman’s direction so it can suck and shrink his body through the air and into the jar. Then dump the contents into the ground.
Get started on these remedies today so you can lead a happy fulfilling life that doesn’t involve getting senselessly mowed down by a misguided ignorant fool whipped up by a narcissistic demagogue rapist.
