If you’re a lover of non-dairy milks you’re going to want to get on the oak milk wagon. Oak milk is the hottest new non-dairy alternative and it’s taking the world by storm.
What separates oak milk from the other alternatives is the very thing that’s in the name itself: oak wood. Real oak. The oak is soaked, blended, and then squeezed through a cheese cloth to get all of the nutrients from the wood.
Until now, only salamanders, worms, snails, termites and ants knew of the benefits of nutrient-rich oak wood. But now humans can soak in the oak as well.
The one downside is the fact that oak sequesters carbon dioxide which could lead to asphyxiation. But it also might not. And in the meantime you’ll be loving the thick richness of your coffee, tea, cereal, and baked goods. Oak also absorbs air pollutants, which helps the environment. Oak milk detractors have cited this as a health hazard for humans, but this is a very myopic view. From a Buddhist perspective, you are taking on the suffering of the world so that others suffer less. This creates merit and good karma for lifetimes to come. It might mean a shorter life span in this life, but your spirituality takes a few steps forward on the evolutionary ladder.
Oak is perfect for weight control as the heaviness of the bark content stays in your stomach for a very long time, tying you up so you are not able to eat. When it eventually passes through it tears your anus to bits, taking all of the unhealthy toxins from your intestines with it. Two in one!
When shopping for oak milk, make sure to look out for the “SOD-FREE” stamp, which means that the oak is not infected with Sudden Oak Death (SOD), an invasive plant pathogen that mortally affects members of the Oak family, and will kill you.
Also, many oak milks on the market are actually more acorn than oak. This is a cheap workaround to authentic oak milk and should not be purchased. The makers of the brands that are primarily using acorn instead of oak will suffer karmic rebirths in hell for their impostor milk and we do not want you to go down the same path.
If you’ve been dissatisfied with oat milk, macadamia milk, quinoa milk, soy milk, almond milk, cashew milk, and rice milk, then oak milk might be the milk you’ve been waiting for all your life, particularly if you’re a magpie or a black-tailed deer.
