“Why are you so against me?”

You don’t look like a skilled capoeira dancer.

I lived on the same floor in college with a girl who knew some capoeira moves and she taught me.

So she didn’t know capoeira either.

I don’t know, she seemed like she did.

When you do capoeira it looks like it’s more to show off your body. You don’t complete any of the moves and then you walk around in half-circles for no reason.

I love the Brazilian way of life and the beauty of capoeira dance, how it’s about movement and everything.

What is the Brazilian way of life as you see it?

It’s like movement and dance and culture and expression with your body and movement.

Why does it look cool when real capoeira dancers perform and really gross when you do it shirtless in the park?

If you saw the capoeira dancers practice it would probably look like what I’m doing.

Do you think it’s appropriate for you to do these moves so poorly in front of families trying to throw a frisbee?

I’m not harming anyone.

How long have you been working on your chest?

Thank you for asking, about seven years now.

​What do you expect will happen when you’re moving around like an imbecile with your shirt off, clearly proud of your chest? That some roaming capoeira group will see you and ask you to be part of their team? Or some girl will be impressed and invite you to her friend’s party that night?​

Why are you so against me?

I saw you one day in the park and I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I was equally revolted and curious.

What were you curious about?

Everything I already asked you.

I guess I do sometimes think a traveling capoeira group might see me and see potential in me and ask me to join.

You think your chest is pretty great, don’t you?

You’re making me out to be this dick but you’re actually much meaner than I am.​

You don’t know the first thing about capoeira.