“If you don’t know where Saturn was when you were

born then I don’t know why you bother living.”

​

What do you say to those who think astrology is nonsense?

​They obviously have a lot of Mars in their chart.

​Does astrology take away our free will?

​No, it merely suggests appropriate times to go to the doctor, to sign a contract, to buy electronics, to sign a contract with an electronic doctor.

​An ‘electronic doctor’?

​A robot who can check your prostate or vagina for problems.

​What would you recommend for anyone new to astrology?

​Find out where Saturn was when you were born.

​What if you never find out where Saturn was when you were born?

​If you don’t know where Saturn was when you were born then I don’t know why you bother living.

​In China the astrology goes by animals. Why don’t we do that?

​In China they spit a lot on the street and I’ve seen a lot of chefs with long cigarette ashes.

​So they have their ways and we have ours is what you’re saying?

​I’m ruled by Neptune so I can’t really answer that.

​One of our editors was once playing tennis in a park that was known to be a homosexual hangout after hours, but this was during the day and when he went to the bathroom there was a man hanging out by the urinals who wanted to give him a blow job. How do you reconcile that astrologically?

​Saturn was most likely in his house of sleazy gay sex. It always comes back to Saturn.