Buddhist man, John Bailey, was sucker punched last week by a psychotic homeless man. Though it hurt badly, caused internal bleeding in his eye, and has given him lasting trauma, Bailey told the press, “I clearly had it coming.”

As a Buddhist, Bailey believes in cause and effect. Thus, he can only assume that he did something in this or a past life to warrant this sucker punch. “I mean, was I sitting peacefully on a bench trying to emanate compassion for all beings? Absolutely. Did this man do me a favor by making me fearful of surprise attacks for the rest of my life as well as impaired bloodshot vision in my right eye? A big one. I can only hope he’ll continue to sucker punch me until we’ve purified our karma together!”

However there doesn’t appear to be any past karma between Bailey and the man – a schizophrenic homeless man released by the local mental hospital – according to the psychic who gave Bailey a past life reading. “I don’t see a lifetime that generated the reason for him punching you,” the psychic reportedly told Bailey, “It seems it started with him punching you hundreds of years ago and it continues to this day.”

“Ha!” said Bailey. “Imagine that. No cause, just effect. What a mystical joker this guy is,” Bailey said.

Bailey’s guru, an enlightened Tibetan monk, corroborated the psychic reading. The monk told Bailey that this man did not purify any past karma for him, to which Bailey said, “Thank you, but I think I’m capable of judging whether someone who sucker punches me has a good reason or not.”

Since the initial sucker punch, Bailey has continued to meditate in the same spot and has been sucker punched every time, by the same man. “We’ve got a beautiful thing going,” Bailey said, suffering from permanent brain damage and partial blindness in both eyes. He is due for facial reconstruction surgery next month. “I’d like to see him rearrange my new face! Literally!” Bailey said before going into surgery.