Honolulu, HI – The Hawaiian tourism bureau made a public statement this past week, requesting that while they appreciate the tourism, they would not mind at all if practitioners of tantric sex found a new paradise to ejaculate into.
“Don’t get us wrong,” said a Hawaiian tourism spokesperson, “we believe in beauty and love just as much as the next island, but we have loads of semen in our sand from the thousands of intimacy coaches and healers that come to our island.”
Thousands of spiritual healers that use the power of touch and calming oils visit Hawaii every year as a pilgrimage of sorts. They consider the land sacred and in rhythm with the earth’s natural flow. During their stay they typically deposit a football field’s worth of semen and vaginal excretions into the soil and water of Hawaii.
“Our people are drinking your semen,” said the Hawaiian spokesperson, “and that is not fair to us.”
Taylor Moonlove, a sex and intimacy coach, told Egobaby, “I respect the wishes of the Hawaiian people. Unfortunately I am holding an intimacy session next week on the shores of Moku Ola and there will be ample loads of semen released as part of the healing process.”
