Boulder, CO – Hitherto heterosexual Richard Kelly told Egobaby that he walked into his reiki session as a heterosexual man and walked out a homosexual.
“I don’t know what she did to me, but I don’t appreciate it,” Kelly said. “I mean, it’s fine now, I’m gay and I’ve accepted it but she didn’t really take my family into consideration. I have a wife that doesn’t understand my new lifestyle and kids that think I’ve abandoned them, because I have.”
This is all news to Reiki healer Judy Swanson, who says in her twenty years of practicing reiki never has she modified anyone’s sexuality. “If he is gay then he was born that way. I’m willing to concede that my reiki opened him up to the realization once his channels were flowing properly, but I can’t put homosexuality in you.”
Reiki is a healing technique based on the principle that the therapist can channel energy into the patient by means of touch, to activate the natural healing processes of the patient’s body and restore physical and emotional well-being.
Kelly insists that she channeled “gay” energy into him. The fact that he has never been happier is beside the point. “You can’t just play God and decide ‘I’ll make this one gay’. It doesn’t work that way. It’s not fair,” Kelly said.
He is suing her for fifty thousand dollars, the cost of his divorce settlement. “Proving she made him gay is going to be tough,” said Swanson’s attorney. “There is no evidence of the energy that was used by my client. It exists in the ether. And even if it could be found and bottled how would it be determined that it was ‘gay’ energy? Would it be a rainbow or a collage of history’s famous homosexuals?”
Kelly is also in the process of becoming a reiki teacher himself, subscribing to the opinion that if homosexuality was put in him it can be taken out. “Once I learn the tricks of the reiki trade I should be straight again in no time. Then let’s see how she feels when I make her gay!”
