Look, I’m no sociologist but the world is clearly being led by a bunch of penises with bodies surrounding them. Where does this leave women and their vaginas? Underground and underrepresented. Which is why men need to tap into their feminine side, to temper their penis’ influence. On the flip side, women need to start finding their inner penis.

Now, all of the above could take eons. For as long as men are in power they are never going to let women find their inner penis. They want all of the penis for themselves! This is of course extremely unfair. In a just society, everyone would have equal access to their own respective vagina and penis, inner or outer.

Which is why I suggest that we bring the inner penis and vagina out and fuse our genitals together to form a vagenis. Men would surgically fashion a vagina in the perineum and women would have a phallus surgically implanted above their vagina. Once we are all on equal footing we can start to come together.

The power dynamics will have balanced out. Any destructive urge that the penises of the world try to implement will be softened by the vagina. Likewise, any overly emotional outbursts spawned by the vagina will be subdued by the penis.

Once we are all at genital equilibrium we can start to work together to form a world family. Rape would disappear, family power dynamics would shift, and boys and girls would have similar play interests.

But most importantly, there would be one bathroom for all since we’d all be unisex. Everyone would have the option of either sitting down or standing to pee. Imagine a world where you, as a woman, could be standing next to a man you hated more than anything, and you’re both peeing together. And imagine in this same world, you, a man, are perusing the tampon aisle and you bump into a woman who once criticized you for not knowing your way around a vagina – imagine her surprise!

Until we all have a vagenis, it will be business as usual. And I don’t know about you, but that’s not a business I’d like to work for.