Wilmette, IL – Bill Plotsky found himself at a crossroads when both his employer and spouse insisted he attend past life regression therapy if he wanted to keep either in his life.

Plotsky’s anger and cruelty had reached an unbearable point, according to his wife, Cheryl. “I was doing a crossword one night and couldn’t think of the French word for ‘car’. I asked him if he knew, he said ‘voiture’ and then called me a stupid bitch.”

Coworkers had also been complaining that Plotsky was calling them “stupid idiots” for pretty much anything, mistake or not.

Traditional talk therapy had proven ineffective so Plotsky was sent to a mandatory past life regression therapy session, in the hopes that his past might unveil some insight into his misguided anger.

What the hypnotherapist discovered is that Plotsky has been calling people “stupid bitch” and “stupid idiot” for thousands of years. A previous life somewhere in Mongolia in the B.C. period came up during the session. Plotsky was a yak farmer hated by everyone in his village for calling them “teneg gichii.” Translation: stupid bitch.

The therapist went even further back and discovered a life where Plotsky was an elephant with a penchant for criticizing the manners of other elephants.

Unfortunately a specific event for Plotsky’s anger was not pinpointed. When he came out of the hypnosis the therapist explained that he had been accumulating this anger for millennia but for reasons unknown. When Plotsky heard that even the therapist didn’t know why he was the way he was he too was called a “stupid bitch.”

Plotsky’s employer and spouse are in the process of removing him from their lives, for which they’ve received many emails with the subject header: you’re a stupid bitch.