“I’m warning you.

I will scream very loud if you keep threatening me.”

​

How long have you been positive?

About a year now.

​A year? And you’re already a positivity coach? A bit soon, no?

​That’s a negative view of life so I can’t answer your question.

​Your answer seems more negative than the question.

I will not answer questions that threaten my positive outlook on life.

​Who’s threatening your positive outlook on life?

​You are. You’re treating me very poorly.

​I just asked you a question. This is an interview.

​I’m warning you. I will scream very loud if you keep threatening me.

​Are you ok?

​You need to smile more and think about what you’re grateful for.

​YOU need to smile more.

​I’m a positivity coach. I know ALL about smiling, believe you me.

​You’re a tad threatening.

​One day a week I scream at the top of my lungs in the mountains where no one can hear me.

​So what?

​I scream, “Fuck you, you motherfucking asshole pieces of shit!” is one thing I scream.

​Where did you get your positivity certification?

​At the Positivity School for the Blind.

​Were you blind at some point?

​My negativity blinded me from my own happiness. It’s a metaphor.

​The school is a metaphor or the name of the school?

​Both.

​Oh, so you didn’t actually get a certificate.

​Neither did you.