Goodyear, AZ – Local quasi-Buddhist Taylor McBride owns nothing but drawstring linen pants. This was never a problem for McBride until he received a wedding invitation from a long-time friend.

“I don’t believe in belts or the traditional pant style because it hinders my chi,” McBride told Egobaby. “So I went into town, which I don’t like to do because the city is filled with all of the mental poisons of the mind, and found the best pair of drawstring linen pants I could find.”

McBride’s groom/friend, Bobby, was happy he could make it to the wedding but wished he had worn underwear as McBride’s penis head was clearly visible. “Everyone knows linen pants reveal the exact length and girth of your penis,” Bobby told Egobaby, “everyone except Taylor I guess.”

Indeed all of Bobby’s wedding guests were able to discern McBride’s penile dimensions, particularly on the dance floor.