Astrology is a great way to understand yourself and the people around you, and a better way to make every conversation about you.
You might not actually believe that constellations have any control over your life, but don’t let that stop you. With the right attitude, and the co-star app, you can turn your vanity into a belief system.
But how will you disguise the fact that your new interest is just a vehicle to spend more time talking about yourself?
Here are some tips that will stop people from realizing that you’re a self-obsessed fraud just waiting for your turn to speak.
1. Ask For Their Sign First
The easiest way to bring up astrology is to ask for someone’s sign. Asking questions allows you to look like you care about other people and their opinions, all while luring your conversational partner into a conversation about astrology. Once you pop the question, it’s only a matter of time before they return the favor and ask for your sign, and once you get asked about your sign you have free rein to talk about yourself.
2. Know More About Astrology Than They Do
Turn your vanity into a teachable moment by knowing more about astrology than the person you’re talking to. Explain astrology to them, and conveniently use examples from your own life to demonstrate different concepts in astrology. You’ll get to talk about yourself and they might even learn something!
3. Hit On Them
There’s a reason why asking someone’s sign is such a popular pick-up line! It’s not that it works, it’s that it allows you to flirt and talk about yourself at the same time. After all, the conversation isn’t about you, it’s about compatibility.
4. Keep Crystals In Your Purse Or Pocket
Having crystals on your person at all times proves that your devotion to the stars isn’t a sham! Each crystal responds differently to each star sign, so get the one that brings your specific sign peace and tranquility, and make sure to bring that up as soon as the crystal “accidentally” falls out when you’re trying to reach for something. Plus, in a pinch, most crystals are shiny enough to stare at your own reflection!
5. Put The Word “Astrologist” In Your Instagram Bio
Is there anything more narcissistic than posting a selfie on Instagram and refreshing the notifications for hours, watching it get likes? Well, by changing a couple key things about your Instagram, you can turn this act of vanity into one of spirituality. First, write vague inspirational statements in the caption of every image, and reference the current location of the planets. Second, put the word “astrologist” in your Instagram bio, right next to the words “curious soul” and “vegan.” Congratulations, you’ve turned your Instagram, which was once a shrine to your own image, into a place where you can give advice and connect with other wandering souls.
6. Get Your Astrological Sign Tattooed On Your Neck
Nothing says “I’m serious about this” like a tattoo. Also, by getting a very visible placement, ideally on your neck or face, people are legally required to ask about it. You’ll be having hundreds of conversations about your own star sign that you didn’t even have to start! Plus, unlike your ex-fiancé, your astrological sign can’t break up with you because you only ever think about yourself.
7. Cut All Geminis Out Of Your Life!
The biggest part of astrology, besides talking about it at parties, is knowing which signs are the bad ones, and that means Geminis have got to go. Unless of course you’re a Gemini, then you can get rid of Scorpios. No one will doubt your commitment to your new belief system if you start discriminating against people based on it. It’s also a much easier explanation for why you don’t talk to your mom, than the fact that she cut you off.
There you have it! Seven easy tips to turn your self-obsession into a star obsession. If people still don’t like you, mercury must be in retrograde.
Written by Kattoo King.
