Secaucus, NJ – Roberta Stockley had been meditating for twenty years when her third eye finally opened last Thursday to reveal the nature of reality. Unfortunately, her third eye suffered from astigmatism and she could barely make out her true nature.

“Things were blurry but I could sort of make out a sense of nonduality. Then again, I really don’t know,” Stockley told Egobaby. “I felt a sense of overwhelming bliss and all around the word ‘hypermetropia’ was pulsating.”

Stockley says she thinks some enlightened deities were motioning her to come to their pure land for spiritual development, but it could also have been nothing. She is currently awaiting a bifocal being made specifically for her third eye, which will be a monocle.