Skowhegan, ME – Vegan republican Tom Stratford was dismayed to discover that his local health food store was out of his favorite dessert snack, Tofutti Cuties.

When he told the store clerk there were no more in the freezer case in the hopes that they might have more in the back, he also couldn’t help blurt out that abortion is murder. It’s apparently something he says often and it brings him peace of mind.

“I could also tell he was gay, so I politely told him in one breath that he was going to hell, would they be getting any more red miso paste, and I’d be willing to meet him in the bathroom if he could keep his faggot mouth quiet about it,” Stratford told Egobaby.

“I was taken aback by his diet on the one hand and his political and religious views on the other,” said clerk Ralph Tedesco, “but I was also happy to let him know that yes, we did have more miso paste, as well as some more Cuties I hadn’t yet stocked but would be happy to grab for him, and if he was willing to wait my break was in fifteen minutes.”